6:01pm December 18th 2018
I slept till 130pm today.
Im supposed to be at work at 11 and i was supposed to be there early today.
I dont really know why they keep giving me chances. Its probably cause my boss is my step-dad.
I dont deserve this job at all. Dan called me into his office and talked to me and said that its okay and asked how he can help. I dont know how he can help is the problem. He asked me to write him a letter about it. But what do i say? I think the only person that CAN help me is me. And I dont think i deserve the help.
I wanna start going to therapy again. I was going and i was doing okay and i shouldnt have stopped. I wasent doing all that bad when i was going and i was on my medication. But when i got sent to the hospital all that shit stopped.
I shouldnt have said what i said. They asked if i ever thought about hurting myself and i said yes thinking being honest was the best policy for getting the help i needed. At the time i hadent thought about killing myself (at lest not to the point of making a plan to do so) since my senior year of high school. But i picked up self harm in the form of cutting and thats what i thought they meant. so i said yes. I SHOULDNT have said yes. cause they went and got my dad and MADE him take me to the hospital. said if he didnt they were going to have to make the police take me. so my dad took me to the hospital. They made me sit in a room for 2 hours and i talked to like 4 people and they said that they wer'nt gonna keep me there. So i missed my lunch date with my best friend and went home. Then they charged my dad $700.
I missed therapy and i missed my medication cause i was going really good.
now im not.
And dan actually thinks that being at the garden "saved my life". He SAID THAT. How big headed.
I saved my life back in 2017. Not him. Not the garden. I passed my classes. I didnt fail. I lived to see another day. Now ive got another plan. I wanna be succesful at SOMETHING by the time im 25. Or ill carry through with the joke ive made a hundred times before. Die by 25.
Maybe ill live till 30. Maybe ill find this blog and read through it and cry cause i DIDNT die by 25. Maybe Dans right and ill go to my mom and his new home (since the ones ive known all my life are gonna be gone by christmas) and ill have a husband or wife and a child and we'll talk and cry and be happy.
I need to go back to therapy. I need to get on antidepressants again. I need to sleep normal hours. I need to start getting my life back on its track.
Im supposed to be at work at 11 and i was supposed to be there early today.
I dont really know why they keep giving me chances. Its probably cause my boss is my step-dad.
I dont deserve this job at all. Dan called me into his office and talked to me and said that its okay and asked how he can help. I dont know how he can help is the problem. He asked me to write him a letter about it. But what do i say? I think the only person that CAN help me is me. And I dont think i deserve the help.
I wanna start going to therapy again. I was going and i was doing okay and i shouldnt have stopped. I wasent doing all that bad when i was going and i was on my medication. But when i got sent to the hospital all that shit stopped.
I shouldnt have said what i said. They asked if i ever thought about hurting myself and i said yes thinking being honest was the best policy for getting the help i needed. At the time i hadent thought about killing myself (at lest not to the point of making a plan to do so) since my senior year of high school. But i picked up self harm in the form of cutting and thats what i thought they meant. so i said yes. I SHOULDNT have said yes. cause they went and got my dad and MADE him take me to the hospital. said if he didnt they were going to have to make the police take me. so my dad took me to the hospital. They made me sit in a room for 2 hours and i talked to like 4 people and they said that they wer'nt gonna keep me there. So i missed my lunch date with my best friend and went home. Then they charged my dad $700.
I missed therapy and i missed my medication cause i was going really good.
now im not.
And dan actually thinks that being at the garden "saved my life". He SAID THAT. How big headed.
I saved my life back in 2017. Not him. Not the garden. I passed my classes. I didnt fail. I lived to see another day. Now ive got another plan. I wanna be succesful at SOMETHING by the time im 25. Or ill carry through with the joke ive made a hundred times before. Die by 25.
Maybe ill live till 30. Maybe ill find this blog and read through it and cry cause i DIDNT die by 25. Maybe Dans right and ill go to my mom and his new home (since the ones ive known all my life are gonna be gone by christmas) and ill have a husband or wife and a child and we'll talk and cry and be happy.
I need to go back to therapy. I need to get on antidepressants again. I need to sleep normal hours. I need to start getting my life back on its track.
Comments
Post a Comment