7:28am December 30th 2018
Went 14 days clean.
Is it even considered "going clean" if its only 14 days.
Guess i should just say i hurt myself again after only 14 days.
fuck..
not as bad as times before. just enough to feel it.
i trigger myself on purpose reading edgy gross stories and watching things about suicide and self-harm.
i know i shouldnt but it feels better to project all of it onto a character or someone else i guess..
fucking hate how i can go from scratching up my legs to trying to take a cute selfie in the bathroom mirror in minuets.
couldnt take a good one though and i think i really might be ugly...
i used to think i was kinda cute but i mean i dont thing i am.
ive never had anyone cute show interest in me so thats one factor in that. the other is that i think my weird ass face and flat ass hair are disgusting. the weight i put on can be fixed by just eatting less again. my teeth are disgusting.
my biggest insecurities about my body are my hair, my teeth, and my vagina to be honest. not that anyone other than me ever has to know about the last one. (i might edit this part out) ive been suffering yeast infections around the time of my period since i was younger and i have a loge labia minora (i think is what its called). I think it runs in my moms side of the family and i know my mom wasent ashamed of it cause she was and probably still is a slut but i dont like calling my mom that.
i guess scars will be another thing to be ashamed of when the time comes.
i already get really embarased when someone points out anything on my arms. fuck people who do that. you know where theyre from. i know where theyre from. you dont have to bring it up you can just keep your fucking mouth closed.
and Dan thinks im getting better. What an idiot.
Is it even considered "going clean" if its only 14 days.
Guess i should just say i hurt myself again after only 14 days.
fuck..
not as bad as times before. just enough to feel it.
i trigger myself on purpose reading edgy gross stories and watching things about suicide and self-harm.
i know i shouldnt but it feels better to project all of it onto a character or someone else i guess..
fucking hate how i can go from scratching up my legs to trying to take a cute selfie in the bathroom mirror in minuets.
couldnt take a good one though and i think i really might be ugly...
i used to think i was kinda cute but i mean i dont thing i am.
ive never had anyone cute show interest in me so thats one factor in that. the other is that i think my weird ass face and flat ass hair are disgusting. the weight i put on can be fixed by just eatting less again. my teeth are disgusting.
my biggest insecurities about my body are my hair, my teeth, and my vagina to be honest. not that anyone other than me ever has to know about the last one. (i might edit this part out) ive been suffering yeast infections around the time of my period since i was younger and i have a loge labia minora (i think is what its called). I think it runs in my moms side of the family and i know my mom wasent ashamed of it cause she was and probably still is a slut but i dont like calling my mom that.
i guess scars will be another thing to be ashamed of when the time comes.
i already get really embarased when someone points out anything on my arms. fuck people who do that. you know where theyre from. i know where theyre from. you dont have to bring it up you can just keep your fucking mouth closed.
and Dan thinks im getting better. What an idiot.
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