7:02am December 29th 2018
I slept from 5pm till 3am. I feel bad that im not spending time with dad. I guess i could just say my mental health is fucked and im sure thats got something to do with it. Or maybe it dosent. I dont know. Ill spend time with him today though since he's off work. I can at least say im hungry so we can do breakfast whenever he wakes up.
I dont even really have anything bad to talk about other than feeling guilty for not spending time with my dad for like 3 days now. We havent watched Person of Interest in a while either and i miss watching that show.
I feel bad for forcing gross furry shit on Kristen just cause i want her to be a part of this commission im getting. I can tell that theres no real interest in designing a character for it. But maybe she was just upset cause of work.
I have to go hang out with her and Miles Sunday. And i hate to say "have" with that cause it insinuated that i dont want to and i DO want to. But at the same time i kinda dont.... Not that i dont wanna see them their my friends and i wanna hang out with them but leaving the house right now feels like a really hard thing to do. And seeing Miles feels like a hard thing to do for some reason. The last time i hung out with him he told me that a few weeks before he had wanted to kill himself for a few days. Like it was all he could think about. That scared the shit out of me.
I havent been happy for a while now. Have i actually laughed in a while??
I want to be around my friends i dont want to dread that. But sometimes theres comfort in the idea of just sitting alone at home. Even the idea that dad is gonna be home this weekend is kinda draining.
I just wanna sit alone in my house and not talk to anyone or feel like i need to do anything.
I still do want to go back to college. Take a semester to start therapy and try and get my twitch channel started with regular streams every other weekend.
But playing video games and having to be entertaining is hard and once again... draining. So i havent been doing that recently.
Sitting up and typing feels hard i think my blood sugar is low. I ate half a meal yesterday...
I dont even really have anything bad to talk about other than feeling guilty for not spending time with my dad for like 3 days now. We havent watched Person of Interest in a while either and i miss watching that show.
I feel bad for forcing gross furry shit on Kristen just cause i want her to be a part of this commission im getting. I can tell that theres no real interest in designing a character for it. But maybe she was just upset cause of work.
I have to go hang out with her and Miles Sunday. And i hate to say "have" with that cause it insinuated that i dont want to and i DO want to. But at the same time i kinda dont.... Not that i dont wanna see them their my friends and i wanna hang out with them but leaving the house right now feels like a really hard thing to do. And seeing Miles feels like a hard thing to do for some reason. The last time i hung out with him he told me that a few weeks before he had wanted to kill himself for a few days. Like it was all he could think about. That scared the shit out of me.
I havent been happy for a while now. Have i actually laughed in a while??
I want to be around my friends i dont want to dread that. But sometimes theres comfort in the idea of just sitting alone at home. Even the idea that dad is gonna be home this weekend is kinda draining.
I just wanna sit alone in my house and not talk to anyone or feel like i need to do anything.
I still do want to go back to college. Take a semester to start therapy and try and get my twitch channel started with regular streams every other weekend.
But playing video games and having to be entertaining is hard and once again... draining. So i havent been doing that recently.
Sitting up and typing feels hard i think my blood sugar is low. I ate half a meal yesterday...
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