11:14pm January 15th 2019
Where do i start with today?
I guess with the first weird things to happen.
I talked to Peggy about how i called Emerge Therapy Center yesterday and how they said there was a five month long wait list. She suggested that I call some other therapy centers and i said i didn't know who to call. She found some people and they all said that they were referral only. So we talked about me talking to my dad and going to a doctor and seeing a new therapist and i said i would talk to him tonight. We also talked about Kristen being obsessed with her relationship right now and how annoyed with that i was getting.
I had NO interest in being around Logan. Kristen and his relationship fills me with jealousy and bitterness and i hate myself for that. So i called off all of us hanging out in favor for sitting at home by myself. But upon arriving in my driveway i decided that was no fun at all. We had planned to go vandalize things today but that plan seemed to have been forgotten. There were 4 cans of spray paint in the back of my car. I was gonna go commit crimes. I planned to go to the dam but decided against it and instead headed to my grand parents old house to spray paint there. "My final mark" as i thought of it since the place was a disaster and would soon be tore down anyways. I got there and noticed a white van in the driveway so i pulled into my moms driveway and went inside.
It was odd walking through the house i grew up in for the most part. Still looking completely different and not like how i remember it at all. Dan really came in and changed it all. And now its empty. Though the most notable difference was how fittingly cold it was in the house. Soon it'll be gone as well. I left the house fairly soon and watched the white van leave my Mimi and Papie's driveway. I headed over there, watched the construction workers, and headed into the house with pink and black spray paint cans in my bring yellow jacket. The house was still a mess. I made my way through the house and the garage to the spare room that was never used figuring that if Mimi and Papie decided to return they would be the least upset about that.
I left my masked caricature and the Muck Brains raccoon.
I left soon after, not feeling to proud of the pieces i had left but at least still feeling satisfied.
Kristen asked if i would like to go graffiti someplace and i said sure if she was really willing to leave Logan's house so early. She said that he had plans to hang out with his friend Gage and that she would meet me at my dads about three. And a little after three she pulled in the driveway. We sat and talked for a little bit before deciding to head to the dam. Upon getting to the dam, however, there were people there. So we decided to head somewhere else. I knew that Tayla and Ashton had went to the old bridge off the road Kristen lives on to graffiti some paws and there dog heads and some other things. I felt weird about going there since thats where they had gone but oh well. I spray painted the Muck Brains raccoon and painted "FALL IN" near a rushing part of the river. Kristen painted "life sucks" and "deal w/ it"... then she painted a heart and 2018. i asked why 2018? and she said "it was pretty good by the end. i mean i got a boyfriend." to witch i just turned around and gave what i felt was a sort of subtle disappointed noise. Then she actually painted a heart and "LK 2018" like for fucks sake. Thats so fucking stupid to paint cause y'all are gonna break up one day then what. The place I took you to spray paint is tarnished??? I want to go down there and paint over it so badly. Or wash it off. He's not even with you not EVERYTHING has to involve him too. FUCKING HELL.
After painting i got a call.... from Vocal Rehab. They asked me to come in friday. I agreed. I believe ill tell the counselor that i was sent to the hospital on a miscommunication but got scared and stopped my medication and seeing a therapist and that honestly i think ive gotten really bad again and that i defiantly need to be back on medication and talking to someone. I wont tell them how much i want to get hit by a truck. I hope this is a good sign.
After leaving the bridge Kristen and I went to her house until Kat had to leave for work. That was nice i enjoy getting to see Claire. She's so sweet.
Then Kristen and I went to our ASL class. Its three hours long. Its nerve wracking. theres so many assignments due NEXT WEEK and i was so confused on what i need to do and when i need to do it and where i should submit what. The teacher is deaf witch is interesting and i think pretty cool. Lets you learn from someone who uses it first hand and someone who in a part of the deaf community. But its gonna be tough. Shes a tough teacher. There are some REALLY big assignments and theres LOTS of them. She's even said after the next week or two the interpreters wont be back and its "sink or swim" in her words. I really want to swim with this. I need to. Two of my characters used ASL its the LEAST i need to do to know in and experience at the deaf community first hand at least a little to write my character Nate and the write how he and Pigeon communicate. Its a scary class to be taking. and with essays coming up for english class im not sure how well ill do...
About half way through the class Kristen was texting Logan and i got all bitter about it. I really probably need to calm down i think i was still mad about her spray painting that where I took her. It was our thing as best friends. But the only thing that runs through her brain is LOGAN LOGAN LOGAN... Its irritating.
I think we both left the class feeling a little unsure of how we would do. I got a message from someone i had commissioned badges from saying that she didnt ship them out today but they WOULD be going out tomorrow. i hope ill get them by Friday i wanna give Zoe her's Sat or Sun if i can. Havent heard anything from the green puppy artist about my ghost commission since the 10th and im hoping to hear something by the 18th.
Im hoping Miles will agree to do lunch soon. I really fucking miss him.
I guess with the first weird things to happen.
I talked to Peggy about how i called Emerge Therapy Center yesterday and how they said there was a five month long wait list. She suggested that I call some other therapy centers and i said i didn't know who to call. She found some people and they all said that they were referral only. So we talked about me talking to my dad and going to a doctor and seeing a new therapist and i said i would talk to him tonight. We also talked about Kristen being obsessed with her relationship right now and how annoyed with that i was getting.
I had NO interest in being around Logan. Kristen and his relationship fills me with jealousy and bitterness and i hate myself for that. So i called off all of us hanging out in favor for sitting at home by myself. But upon arriving in my driveway i decided that was no fun at all. We had planned to go vandalize things today but that plan seemed to have been forgotten. There were 4 cans of spray paint in the back of my car. I was gonna go commit crimes. I planned to go to the dam but decided against it and instead headed to my grand parents old house to spray paint there. "My final mark" as i thought of it since the place was a disaster and would soon be tore down anyways. I got there and noticed a white van in the driveway so i pulled into my moms driveway and went inside.
It was odd walking through the house i grew up in for the most part. Still looking completely different and not like how i remember it at all. Dan really came in and changed it all. And now its empty. Though the most notable difference was how fittingly cold it was in the house. Soon it'll be gone as well. I left the house fairly soon and watched the white van leave my Mimi and Papie's driveway. I headed over there, watched the construction workers, and headed into the house with pink and black spray paint cans in my bring yellow jacket. The house was still a mess. I made my way through the house and the garage to the spare room that was never used figuring that if Mimi and Papie decided to return they would be the least upset about that.
I left my masked caricature and the Muck Brains raccoon.
I left soon after, not feeling to proud of the pieces i had left but at least still feeling satisfied.
Kristen asked if i would like to go graffiti someplace and i said sure if she was really willing to leave Logan's house so early. She said that he had plans to hang out with his friend Gage and that she would meet me at my dads about three. And a little after three she pulled in the driveway. We sat and talked for a little bit before deciding to head to the dam. Upon getting to the dam, however, there were people there. So we decided to head somewhere else. I knew that Tayla and Ashton had went to the old bridge off the road Kristen lives on to graffiti some paws and there dog heads and some other things. I felt weird about going there since thats where they had gone but oh well. I spray painted the Muck Brains raccoon and painted "FALL IN" near a rushing part of the river. Kristen painted "life sucks" and "deal w/ it"... then she painted a heart and 2018. i asked why 2018? and she said "it was pretty good by the end. i mean i got a boyfriend." to witch i just turned around and gave what i felt was a sort of subtle disappointed noise. Then she actually painted a heart and "LK 2018" like for fucks sake. Thats so fucking stupid to paint cause y'all are gonna break up one day then what. The place I took you to spray paint is tarnished??? I want to go down there and paint over it so badly. Or wash it off. He's not even with you not EVERYTHING has to involve him too. FUCKING HELL.
After painting i got a call.... from Vocal Rehab. They asked me to come in friday. I agreed. I believe ill tell the counselor that i was sent to the hospital on a miscommunication but got scared and stopped my medication and seeing a therapist and that honestly i think ive gotten really bad again and that i defiantly need to be back on medication and talking to someone. I wont tell them how much i want to get hit by a truck. I hope this is a good sign.
After leaving the bridge Kristen and I went to her house until Kat had to leave for work. That was nice i enjoy getting to see Claire. She's so sweet.
Then Kristen and I went to our ASL class. Its three hours long. Its nerve wracking. theres so many assignments due NEXT WEEK and i was so confused on what i need to do and when i need to do it and where i should submit what. The teacher is deaf witch is interesting and i think pretty cool. Lets you learn from someone who uses it first hand and someone who in a part of the deaf community. But its gonna be tough. Shes a tough teacher. There are some REALLY big assignments and theres LOTS of them. She's even said after the next week or two the interpreters wont be back and its "sink or swim" in her words. I really want to swim with this. I need to. Two of my characters used ASL its the LEAST i need to do to know in and experience at the deaf community first hand at least a little to write my character Nate and the write how he and Pigeon communicate. Its a scary class to be taking. and with essays coming up for english class im not sure how well ill do...
About half way through the class Kristen was texting Logan and i got all bitter about it. I really probably need to calm down i think i was still mad about her spray painting that where I took her. It was our thing as best friends. But the only thing that runs through her brain is LOGAN LOGAN LOGAN... Its irritating.
I think we both left the class feeling a little unsure of how we would do. I got a message from someone i had commissioned badges from saying that she didnt ship them out today but they WOULD be going out tomorrow. i hope ill get them by Friday i wanna give Zoe her's Sat or Sun if i can. Havent heard anything from the green puppy artist about my ghost commission since the 10th and im hoping to hear something by the 18th.
Im hoping Miles will agree to do lunch soon. I really fucking miss him.
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