11:24pm January 14th
Unfollow someone i admired on Instagram cause they said Gemini's were toxic and im a gemini and i took offense to that. But i think i am toxic. I think thats part of what makes me unlovable. Im manipulative and mean. I a bad friend i think i would be an even worse girlfriend. Maybe geminis are bad people. Maybe thats why i was born one.
I keep thinking about the hospital. Maybe i wanna go there. I wanna be forced to stay there. Refuse to talk to family. Maybe talk to Kristen. Tell her im sorry. Ask her to bring me a book or maybe Buba or Sugar. The hospital i went to wouldnt let you being food.
I want to die. But i wont do it. Im to scared. Im not a danger to myself and i wish that i was.
I called the therapy center today but they told me that it would be a 5 month wait before i could see anyone. I cant wait five months. I need to get back to a therapist as soon as i can. I need to get back onto my medications.
Im scared that if i contact vocal rehab there defiantly gonna send me to a hospital just to supervise me and make sure im staying on my medications. I cant go to the hospital i have classes to go to. I think my classes are more important than my mental health to everyone except me. Im lucky i only have them 3 days a week. I figured that worked out really well but at this rate the classes will be over before i get to go back to therapy and get on medications again. I dont wanna have to go to Carolina Wellness to talk to them about anti-depressants AWAY from vocal rehab cause im scared they'll send me to the hospital too since they were the ones that send me the first time. and i dont think, with me having gone cold turkey on my meds, that they would want me to go back on them without seeing a therapist weekly.
Its starting to look helpless. I refuse to go back through Vocal Rehabilitation. I refuse to visit Carolina Wellness. I dont know what other places i can call.
I keep thinking about the hospital. Maybe i wanna go there. I wanna be forced to stay there. Refuse to talk to family. Maybe talk to Kristen. Tell her im sorry. Ask her to bring me a book or maybe Buba or Sugar. The hospital i went to wouldnt let you being food.
I want to die. But i wont do it. Im to scared. Im not a danger to myself and i wish that i was.
I called the therapy center today but they told me that it would be a 5 month wait before i could see anyone. I cant wait five months. I need to get back to a therapist as soon as i can. I need to get back onto my medications.
Im scared that if i contact vocal rehab there defiantly gonna send me to a hospital just to supervise me and make sure im staying on my medications. I cant go to the hospital i have classes to go to. I think my classes are more important than my mental health to everyone except me. Im lucky i only have them 3 days a week. I figured that worked out really well but at this rate the classes will be over before i get to go back to therapy and get on medications again. I dont wanna have to go to Carolina Wellness to talk to them about anti-depressants AWAY from vocal rehab cause im scared they'll send me to the hospital too since they were the ones that send me the first time. and i dont think, with me having gone cold turkey on my meds, that they would want me to go back on them without seeing a therapist weekly.
Its starting to look helpless. I refuse to go back through Vocal Rehabilitation. I refuse to visit Carolina Wellness. I dont know what other places i can call.
Comments
Post a Comment