12:44pm January20th 2019
I went to the therapist a few days ago and it was weird. I pulled right up to the Vocal Rehabilitation office and got this regretful feeling. I talked with a lady about things that have been happening recently and mentioned mental illness, something i took medication for through Vocal Rehab. She was like "i dont know if its mental illness so much as the current situation" to witch i had to mention i had been dealing with depression since before high school as the first time i mentioned it was to Cassie while we were on a trip to Maryland with her family and i asked "do you ever get really sad for no reason." i dont remember if she said anything or just looked at me like a weirdo. But i remember saying that. It may have been after freshman year though because i know it was after Cassie started acting like a bad friend. I remember googling "Signs you have an abusive friend" and "signs a friendship is toxic" because it felt like she strived to make me feel bad sometimes. I think she played a big part in the root to my anxieties. Shes defiantly a big part of the reason i get really embarrassed of the things i like and i try my best to keep my hyper fixations to myself.
We talked about my parents and my history with them. We even talked about the hospital incident and why i suddenly went off medication and stopped seeing my therapist but i dont think the lady truly grasped the weight of me doing that.
The set me up to talk to two people altering weeks. Im not really sure that i like that because i would rather only see one lady even if it is only every other week instead of every week. But i have another appointment next Friday.
Its been a busy week. With classes and buying text books, spending time with friends, therapy, work, family things going on.
Zoe texted me yesterday asking about hanging out i feel bad that i dont see her a lot but i have a lot to do. This isnt even like a Jude situation where i dont want to hang out with her because shes annoying. The most annoying thing she does is constantly just want to show me videos that she likes and not let me show her anything or w/e. But thats not really a big deal and she doesn't really do that all the time. Jude was just fucking annoying. Jude still comments on my ig posts even after ive told her i want nothing to do with her anymore. I have a whole chat in my discord server full of people who will talk about bull shit she's pulled. Its everything from tracing art and acting like its hers to her incredibly toxic superiority complex that is shown in her always giving her characters crows, NEEDING to be the leader of groups, and controlling things people are doing for really no fucking reason. hell she helped me with write one paragraph of like two three paragraph essays for a class i wasnt doing well in and chocked that up to her being the reason i passed the whole fucking year. She never let me live that down either. She would want me to do something and id say no and she'd be like "um who helped you graduate???" FUCK YOU I HELPED ME GRADUATE YOU FUCKING IDIOT BITCH!
im going to my grandparents in an hour so im gonna have to stop this one short but theres so much shit to say about Jude that i might just make a whole post about her some day.
We talked about my parents and my history with them. We even talked about the hospital incident and why i suddenly went off medication and stopped seeing my therapist but i dont think the lady truly grasped the weight of me doing that.
The set me up to talk to two people altering weeks. Im not really sure that i like that because i would rather only see one lady even if it is only every other week instead of every week. But i have another appointment next Friday.
Its been a busy week. With classes and buying text books, spending time with friends, therapy, work, family things going on.
Zoe texted me yesterday asking about hanging out i feel bad that i dont see her a lot but i have a lot to do. This isnt even like a Jude situation where i dont want to hang out with her because shes annoying. The most annoying thing she does is constantly just want to show me videos that she likes and not let me show her anything or w/e. But thats not really a big deal and she doesn't really do that all the time. Jude was just fucking annoying. Jude still comments on my ig posts even after ive told her i want nothing to do with her anymore. I have a whole chat in my discord server full of people who will talk about bull shit she's pulled. Its everything from tracing art and acting like its hers to her incredibly toxic superiority complex that is shown in her always giving her characters crows, NEEDING to be the leader of groups, and controlling things people are doing for really no fucking reason. hell she helped me with write one paragraph of like two three paragraph essays for a class i wasnt doing well in and chocked that up to her being the reason i passed the whole fucking year. She never let me live that down either. She would want me to do something and id say no and she'd be like "um who helped you graduate???" FUCK YOU I HELPED ME GRADUATE YOU FUCKING IDIOT BITCH!
im going to my grandparents in an hour so im gonna have to stop this one short but theres so much shit to say about Jude that i might just make a whole post about her some day.
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